You ever feel as though you need to ditch a "friend"?
I have a bad habit of making friends that tend to bring me down. Jimmy says it is because i have no self confidence and i am willing to be "friends" with anyone who will tolerate me. My typical friendship cycle is as follows:
- me trying to fit in and be the best friend ever by trying to buy my friends affections (food, gifts, dinners, babysitting... the list goes on).
- me getting resentful because i feel as though i have proven myself to be a good "friend" and i feel as though i am starting to get taken advantage of.
- me becoming bad "friend" by avoiding calls or venting my frustrations with others instead of with said "friend" (trying to candy coat it but really that just sounds like evil old gossiping to me).
So how do i break this awful cycle? How do i get someone to actually be a friend? I feel as though no one would want to be friends with the real flawed me and so i become fake me (hhmmm....maybe i get resentful of the fact that i have to be fake??). Maybe there really isn't such a thing as a real friend, perhaps i am just lucky that i have been able to find that friendship in Jimmy (who is probably the only person on the planet who completely knows the real me and has only run away once resulting in the much debated stalking incidents but for another day, lol).....
But i WANT the TV friendship! I want that bestest girlfriend who goes to the mall with you and you can call to just hang out. That you can have over to your house when it's a mess and you are still in your pajamas. The one whose husband and your husband actually WANT to hang out together too! The one who will get off of work early and instead of going straight home will bring you ice cream at work.
4 comments:
I know what you mean. Since moving to NC and have been here 3 1/2 years I have yet to find that. It has deff. brought Bobby and our family close! But I wish I had that type of friend as well. Hang in there..I know we are thousands of miles away but I am thankful for us keeping in touch and texting and being there when I need to vent. You are awesome!!!!!
I figure that with all this introspection, you are halfway to getting where you want to be. It seems that knowing what you want in a friendship will help you continue to look for the right kind of ones for you.
I know exactly how you feel. I have that girlfriend who is my best friend but she lives in Lubbock now and is super busy with work and getting her masters. I always feel out of place when I hang out with girls in the church because I am the only one with no children or isn't prego. I basically have only one friend who lives here and thank goodness for her. I went form living in a college town and having tons of friends to basically my husband and one friend. And my husband doesn't have anyone to hang out with and always gets depressed about it. So trust me...you aren't alone.
Of course there is such thing as a real friend. In fact, I consider you one of mine. You just need to allow yourself to be yourself and you will find those who are naturally drawn to you.
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